Am I Facebook shallow?

Weird title, I know, but that is kind of how I feel lately. I'm a very complicated, layered person. I think this clip from Donkey describes it best.

Most people who know me socially think I'm a very outgoing, happy-go-lucky type of person and a lot of the time, I am. But, over the last 5 or 6 years, I've gone through some things that have not hardened me, but have made me more cautious. I'm not as likely to just bound into a party full throttle and become the center of attention. I need to feel comfortable around everyone before I start shedding those layers, to the real Ashley.

So...back to the title...the last few times I've posted on Facebook, the posts have been so shallow, stupid inconsequential rant. Example - last post was about a cocktail dress with pockets. Really?!?! Do all of my Facebook friends need to know that? And maybe that's the point of Facebook? I don't know?

I don't want to put stuff out there for everyone to see, those that I don't let see all the layers. There's really no need for that. I actually hate when people do that...put these open-ended, passive aggressive posts out there just to get a reaction or sympathy from people. That's not my style...that's so Ashley 10 years ago. I can remember putting stuff like that on my AIM away message. Yes, I am that old. I would put up some passive aggressive away message to elicit some sort of "poor Ashley" response. In my mind...super childish. That's what I don't want Facebook to be to me. Hence, this post.

But then...sneaky passive aggressive Ashley tries to sneak in, posting things to get attention, or more importantly some one's attention. Do I really think that some one's view of me will change or be enhanced by what I post on Facebook? Doubtful.

Like I said before...I'm layered. I don't think Facebook is a place for me to peel those layers back, but this blog might just be. I'm pretty sure the only person that reads this is my friend Candace, and she definitely knows the layered Ashley! So, this should be a safe place for me to put my thoughts out there and not feel censored or shy or scared. This is me. If you don't like it, stop reading. If you want to know more, just ask!

That's all my fried brain can come up with this boring Friday afternoon. I'm going to try and post more soon. More as a cathartic outlet than for riveting reading, but nonetheless, I'm going to try and be more consistent. Lots of things going on, which I have a ton to say about and maybe some changes, too. We'll see.

I'll leave you with one more clip. It might be one of my favorite lines from an animated movie. It reminds me of my basset hound, Bailey. I like that boulder.

So...here's the thing...

Over the past 4 1/2 years, I have been making my way in Corporate America. When I moved over to the "dark side," I was overly ambitious and confident about what my place should be within the company. I was a young professional with the desire and drive to make it to the top, wherever that might be. I started looking at MBA programs all around, and decided on the local satellite campus for the USC MBA program. Luckily, this is one time my laziness and procrastinating tendencies came in handy. I kept pushing the application back, which would make me miss deadlines, so I would be starting later and later on my masters. I believe now that my gut/conscience, whatever you want to call it, was letting me know that getting my MBA was not the path I should be going down.

After about 3 years of steadily praying, seeking guidance, and wracking my brain for what is ahead for me in my career, I finally feel like there is a clear understanding. Over the last 6 months, I had this little whisper in my head about moving away to the lower part of the state. My church has a ministry program/cooperation with community leaders in Allendale and I have felt a tugging on my heart to at least look in to ways that I could be of help in that area. I have a very tender heart...ask anyone that knows me. I can't tell the story about my dad being a year behind my mom in school because he had no shoes, without tears flooding my eyes. Though my heart might be tender...over the last 6 years of my life, I have had to deal with some difficult things...difficult enough to not want to share it with the entire world wide web! Not that I am ashamed of those things, not at all. Those situations made me stronger, more grounded in my faith and the belief that God has a hand in the plan for my life.

I know this is all vague and cryptic at times, but I'm pretty sure no one reads this, any way! But I just wanted to put it out there. There's a chance for a big change in my near future. I don't know the outcome, but at least now I know the path to take...just not sure where it leads.

Quick update

My friend Candace says that I do not update this blog enough :) So here's a quick update on the whole foods/all natural eating plan.

• Chicken that is not prepared by me turns my stomach.


• boiled chicken is the most delicious thing in the world when using antibiotic free/hormone free/nastiness free chicken!


• I'm currently OBSESSED with eating sushi and fish! I had the new Poinsettia Roll last night @ Tsunami and it was the most delectable thing ever!


• Though processed foods makes me nauseous...when I'm not craving sushi, I'm craving nachos with cheese...and not fancy nachos like the ones served here but plastic infused cheese nachos from the likes of Taco Hell and Target!

Needles to say...I'm not 100% staying on track with the all natural, good for you food...sometimes plastic cheese is just the way to go.

A new approach...

So I have this AMAZING friend over @ Singing a Different Tune whom I love dearly! We share the crazy stories that are our lives over Starbucks coffee and the occasional amazing meal out. Last week we had a belated birthday dinner for Candace @ Purple Bistro in the West End. She shared with me some information about eating totally natural. We both had the same reaction to food after watching the disturbing documentary Food, Inc. Candace is better than I am because she started doing a lot of research and was kind enough to share that knowledge with me :)


A new approach...hence the title of this entry. I have always felt the need/urge to eat only natural, locally grown food if possible. I think that might stem from my upbringing in the country and having most of our vegetables come from our gardens or one of our neighbors. So, instead of trying to eat 100 Calorie Packs and Slim-fast shakes to be FAT NO MORE, I'm going back to my roots baby...the roots of the earth! Luckily spring is coming and the Farmer's Markets will soon be a buzz with glorious fruits and vegetables from the earth and dirt instead of a lab somewhere in Guatemala!







Okay...I have exited my soapbox now...back to the doldrums of the corporate world :)

Here We go again...

Okay...so maybe I need to change the name of this blog...Fat No More Campaign is still in the beginning stages...after 2 years!! I am definitely still working on it. I'm trying to do a little at a time, this go 'round, so that I'm not setting myself up for failure. Also, I plan on doing every song on Just Dance 2 for the Wii until I have gotten 100% and all the gold star moves for each one! Surely that will result in some weight loss?!?! Here's hoping!

Though the FNM Blog/Campaign is not in full swing, I am going to use this blog to poor our some of my random thoughts. Because I have a lot of them, and sometimes Twitter just doesn't have enough space and Facebook has too many people reading my comments...especially those of the work nature,so I will share them here.

My ever-constant current frustration is my job. I almost feel like a broken record when it comes to this situation. Ive been working in the corporate world for just over 4 years, and I ABSOLUTELY can't stand it! I'm a total right brain, creative, random thinker. The mundane, assembly line-esque routine of this job drains me considerably. I thrive on ideas, planning, brain-storming, ever-changing routine, having a to-do list that gets left behind b/c something bigger and more important has come along. I salivate for days like that. However, here I sit, 4 years later, butt much flatter, my sciatic nerve much more irritated. I miss helping people...right now all I am really helping is the Food Industry, as shown in Food Inc. Watch it, it's entirely upsetting, and I help those companies do what they do.

I have tried finding other jobs within the company, with no such luck, and also tried going back to my roots in Higher Ed. Apparently, I'm too nice to be promoted in my current company *long story for another day* and I need my Master's to move up in the Higher Ed world. I would even take a pay cut! I'm willing to make less money to be happier, people!!! come on, help a girl out!

When I started at my current job, I was shell-chocked at how much I was going to be making, like jaw-dropping on the floor, bought a nicer camera *I was in Best Buy when I was offered the job* type of way. I was 24 yrs old and thought that I had finally arrived! I received a 41% pay increase. That's almost double what I was making before! I thought, "That's insane! I'm going to be living it up in G-vegas!" And for a while, I did. I loved having the extra money, but looking back, I can see how much of it I squandered. See...I'm an emotional spender and instead of saving all of that amazing new salary, I was spending it on crap to try and fill that void. I know now, too, that God is the only thing that can fill that void. Not a job/career, man, car, shoes, etc. So, 4 years later, I am definitely closer in my relationship with God, and not emotionally spending, which is great. But I still feel stuck in here, in some freaky real-life Office Space!

What doing about it - a LOT of praying and soul-searching. This is the first time in m life where I don't' see a clear path a head. I have some ideas of what I want to do or what may lie ahead, but I don't feel like God is saying, "That's the one!" And, maybe He's not supposed to, I'm struggling with that, too. So, here I sit, still not sure, but at least it's another day closer to being fully vested. Trying to look on the bright side :)

So...that's all I have to rant about today. I'll to get my thoughts a little more organized next time. And hopefully, in a better mood!

--Whassy

It's been a while...

So...I know I haven't posted in a while...but no one really reads this, so...I guess I'm apologizing to no one!



Here's my vent/frustration for today.



I have an interview on Wednesday and thought it would be nice to get a new outfit, and at the least a new item of clothing for the interview. I have literally gone to about 15 stores tonight, not really in search of anything in particular, but just looking to see if something spoke to me. I'm currently going through FPU at church, so I didn't want to just go buy something that I'll only wear once, but something that I would get a lot of use out of. I digress...shocking! So, I look and look and look and NOTHING!!!! Not even at Macy's, which was shocking! Here's what I don't understand about designers...Do they think that all overweight people are:



A - Giants?!?!? Seriously, everything that I tried on or looked at was way out of proportion for my body. I found a few cute dresses/cardigans/shrugs, but they swallowed me! I don't understand why they don't have petite cut plus-size clothing.



B - Plus-size people can be stylish!! I am NOT over fifty, I do NOT want to wear a mu mu(sp?) and no, I don't think that all plus-size clothing should have a tropical flower theme! There are ways to take was it current and fashionable for "normal" size people, and make it work for plus-size people. Times like this are when I really wish I could sew!



C - This rant is a little late coming, but it still ticks me off! I went to Beech Mtn this January and I could NOT find a plus-size coat. Seriously, do they think that fat people don't get cold!?!? I'm one of the most cold-natured people I know.



Okay...I will gladly step off of my soap box now! Ending on a happy note, I did find a great purse and a nice pair of black pants.





Hopefully, I won't be so long posting!



Happy Monday to all of blog land!



Whassy

So, I have on pants today...

Which for me, is a huge thing. Actually it's the outfit that I was planning on Sunday Night which spurred the entire thought of doing this blog.

I hate wearing pants. Plain and Simple. I've always hated pants, even when I was skinnier. It's not about being overweight, but that doesn't help the hatred of pants. I always feel like an extra in the Lollipop Guild. I'm already short, and not very proportionate. Dresses and skirts help to create the illusion of a longer body to me, and pants just make it harder to feel good about myself, and make the most of my plump body :)

Dresses are fun and feminine and easy just to throw on. Pants, you have to pick the shoes, the shirt, the jacket. In addition to picking the outfit out...I have to be able to find all the pieces in the wake of Tornado Ashley in my bedroom! Will the outfit look like it did in my head or will it be a total disaster? No one knows?! That's too much for my non-morning person brain to take in at 6:30 am!

I'll probably have nightmares tonight about pants attacking me or boycotting me because I blogged about hating them...

That's all for now. Off to make an invitation for Christmas in October, an event which will surely not help the fat no more campaign!