Ramblings of a 30 something, navigating her way through this crazy world.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Becoming Myself

Full disclosure...this is my second attempt at Weight Watchers.  Last August, we started a Weight Watchers @ Work group, and it could not have come at a better time. You see, I have always been overweight, my entire life, and it is something that I have always struggled to control.  I had my gallbladder out in college, and ended up losing around 100 lbs over the course of a year.  It was pure ecstasy, but I didn't manage the results properly. I lived off of boiled eggs and about 14 Diet Cokes a day.  Needless to say, when I started eating "real" food again, my body flipped out, and along with a stint of rheumatic fever that left me almost immobile, the weight came back with a vengeance.

I digress..I do that a lot.  Like I said, I'm verbose :)

Back on track...

I was so excited to start WW at work, but then received a pretty disturbing text from a friend. Someone from church had approached her about having an intervention with me over my weight. In hindsight, I know that it came from a place of love, but the way it was handled had me immediately on the defensive, and employing my defense mechanism of not eating.  I call it fat girl anorexia.  I know that it is insensitive, but it's the best way to describe how I react. When I feel like life is spiraling out of control, or if I am stressed out, I just don't eat.  The stress of deciding what to eat is too much, so I just decide not to eat.  But I wouldn't allow my defense mechanism to kick in this time.

I went forward with WW and ended up losing 18 lbs.  We ended up having to disband, because we didn't have enough people to start a second session. I tried just doing the online for a while, but those old habits started creeping in, and with a looming health issue, I stopped eating.  Then I would only eat tortilla chips with melted cheese on top.  Super nutritious, right?!

After a few months of back and forth with my sister, we decided to go at this weight thing together, and chose WW.  I really think it will be helpful for the both of us, even though we have different issues with food.  The flexibility/personalized approach of WW will allow us both to be successful, even though our approaches might look different.

I had a small moment yesterday where I had the same knee jerk reaction to sabotaging myself. I had a friend email a link to a book/self study that she had just finished.  As I was reading the synopsis, I felt a little bit attacked, because the main premise is about weight loss, or at least at first glance.  But I checked myself and my reaction, and decided to give it a try.  The book is;

Becoming Myself: Embracing God's Dream of You

I started reading the first chapter last night, and this book could not have come at a better time.  
I encourage you to read it, or at least try the sample on Kindle or Nook

I'll give an update on my progress as I read, then I'm going to start on the Study Guide once I finish. 

Happy Hump Day Everyone!

Until next time...


Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Two Days In...

Two days in...and life has already tried to throw me off track.  Funny how life is like that, right?

Work is extremely stressful right now and I normally handle stress ok, but lately it has been taking me over.  Like I'm a character in a Warner Brothers Cartoon, waiting for someone to drop an Acme Anvil on me.  This just looming threat of foreboding. My apologies...I'm verbose and I appreciate SAT words.

So yesterday was a Monday...obviously, and I was prepared.  All of my food was prepped for the day, and I had a plan.  I stayed on track right up until the afternoon.  I left work after an upsetting meeting, headed to the doctor.  The office worked me in during the late afternoon, so I ended up waiting a while to go back to the doctor.  To help kill time, I pulled my phone out and started looking at emails from work. That was a bad idea.  Like I said above, my anxiety level is at an all time high, and by the time I went back to consult with the doctor, I was in a full blown panic attack.  My blood pressure was 158/100.  Luckily, the nurse knew what to expect and helped calm me down and my doctor did a great job of helping formulate a plan to deal with the anxiety. Oh, and give me antibiotics for an ear infection.

It had been such a difficult afternoon, the last thing I wanted to do was go home and "cook," even though all I really had to do was assemble the food. It was already cooked, and ready to go.  So...I went to the local Mexican restaurant and went all out.  Luckily, I still had 30 points left for the day, but it still wasn't the best way to react.

But I rallied and prepped for the next day and morning, despite coming off of the panic attack and a double ear infection. 

Moral of the story...life happens, but it doesn't have to derail you.  

Until next time...