Ramblings of a 30 something, navigating her way through this crazy world.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Should I stay or Should I go?

That seems to always be the question...should I stay or should I go?  I ask that question all the time, regarding my job, my apartment, Greenville...South Carolina....it's always a gigantic billboard in the hamster wheel that is my brain.  Don't get me wrong...I LOVE the south, especially South Carolina, and even more special in my heart is the place I've called home my entire life...Greenville.  I've watched this city grow up, along with me, and I love walking downtown, or seeing the Blue Ride mtns on my drive to work.  It's a beautiful and majestic place.  However, there are some other cites that I have always loved, and most of those cities are in the great state of Tennessee.

When I was in the 4th grade, my entire family went to Nashville for our family vacation.  I can remember feeling like I was home, for lack of a better word, as soon as I stepped out of the car.  We went on a dinner cruise on the General Jackson and as soon as they started playing Rocky Top, I rushed to the stage and danced like a crazy woman.  Luckily, I was only 9, so I got a way with acting slightly insane and it coming across as cute. Over the years, I have travelled to many cities in the Volunteer state and have loved most of them.  I spent a lot of time in Chattanooga, working with the Glenn Draper Singers/Junaluska Singers, and recruiting students there while I was working at Converse. I loved wandering around downtown and walking over to Coolidge Park. It's a very artsy/fartsy city, nestled in the gorgeous valley of the mountains. There's also a period of my life where I spent almost all of my weekends in Knoxville, while dating a real live UT boy, who we lovingly refer to now as He Who Must not be named.  Even during that, I loved going down to the Old City and loved the summer I interned at Knox Opera.

Even after all of that, Nashville is still my favorite city in Tennessee, and probably my next favorite city after Greenville. It's one of the first cities I learned to navigate, sans map and Garmin.  The Whas-Whas prevails over the streets of Nashville! (my niece and nephew refer to me as Whassy, therefore Whas-Whas when I am rockin' my amazing sense of direction.)
I loved spending my falls wandering through the streets of Franklin and my annual visits to Battle Ground Academy, where I recruited my first student.  There's something so unbelievably vibrant about the city, but something that is so quintessentially southern.  What an amazing combination! 

I rant on and on about this because I can't help but think....sometimes I want to just pack it all up and move there.  Really with no plan at all...of course the city is pulsing with the greatest music, and how much I would love to be a part of that.  How, I feel most like myself when I'm singing and surrounding myself with music...but I don't know if that's where I should be.  Am I chasing after dreams that I should have lived 10 years ago, am I finally reaching out to the place where I need to be and where God wants me to be or am I just living with my head in the clouds....I'm not sure which one it is, but I'm definitely thinking about it. 

So...until then blogesphere...I remain in G-Vegas...enjoying this gloomy day at home, in my PJ's, catching up on the new fall shows on my DVR, while enjoying a mandatory work from home day. 

Until then --

Monday, August 15, 2011

Reoccurring dream...

First, a point of disclosure.  I have crazy dreams.  I always have, for as long as I can remember.  My most favorite dream is a classic depiction of my personality and take on life.  I was at camp, where I spent most of my summers in high school, and a good friend was looking everywhere for me and couldn't find me.  When he finally did, he handed me a gorgeous silver necklace, which was all the rage, circa 1998.  As soon as he gave it to me, I frantically searched the camp for a frying pan.  So frantic, that I could actually feel the panic I was going through in my sleep.  FINALLY, I found that elusive frying pan and immediately placed my brand new silver necklace into it.  After a few seconds, the beautiful necklace had melted, not into silver, however, but into cheese.  I'm not talking creamy goat cheese or a lovely brie, I'm talking government cheese here people.  The one with an odd orange tint to it, you know?  Well this dream had me in a tizzy the next morning, so I sought out the advice of my sage mentor at the time, and she unveiled a seemingly perfect explanation of the dream.   I take the good things in life, and turn them into cheese. Well, maybe not cheese exactly , but definitely something lesser than the good that the thing/situation/opportunity really is.

All that to say...I have crazy dreams, as evidenced above, but never have I had a reoccurring dream for as long as I can remember.  The strange thing about this "reoccurring" dream, is that the situation is not what is reoccurring, but the starring character.  I have had over a handful of dreams about this guy I grew up with.  I believe I have literally known him my entire life.  His family is good friends with my family, and when you grown up in such a small town, you pretty much knew everyone around. I have stayed connected with this person, but not as much as I would have hoped over the years.  The even more disturbing thing...most of the dreams involve marriage or a relationship of some kind.   The first being a reality competition, that he never knew about, but showed up at the altar. Even stranger still...I remember the feeling of when he took me in his arms and knowing without a shadow of a doubt, he was the one I was supposed to be with.  Another one, where during the rehearsal, I had no idea who the groom was, and he didn't reveal himself until I met him at the altar. 

The one last night might be the most bizarre yet.  No marriage this time, but a trip with my small group from church.  That group of people is like my extended family, so that is a major step, even in my dream world.  Bu this time, we weren't together, just there as friends. 

Now, I am by no means claiming to be prophetic in my dreams, not at all. I don't even own a technicolor dream coat.  I'm just confused.  What does this all mean?!  Am I just being tormented in my sleep by my subconscious psyche, does this represent some grander/metaphoric meaning, or am I simply just very entertaining when I sleep?  Like a good movie marathon on TBS?  Who knows?!  I surely do not.  Nevertheless...this makes for great cocktail party conversation...now if I could just find a few more to attend...

Later folks...hope to post some poignant blogs later on today.

Until then ---

Monday, August 1, 2011

What a day...

So, today is not my favorite day.  We have 3 people here out of a team of 6.  This definitely has the makings for a not fun day and I've already cried thrice!  I hate being a girl.  BTW...I'm pretty sure my job is slowly eating away at my soul...but I'm heavy duty praying about what God wants me to do.  Do I suck it up and keep going, or make some gigantic leap of faith and do something totally off the wall, but entirely all that I want to do?  I still don't know, but I'm not discouraged, just confused and praying that I make the right decision.

Back to reality that is this day now.


Monday, June 20, 2011

It's time for a change

It's official - Changing my blog URL to Life as Whassy. I feel like that name really portrays more of what this blog is about.  That's all for now.  Be back soon with more posts.  I have lots of ideas running around in my head!


Thursday, June 2, 2011

I so went there

I did a little updating on the blog.  I am working on a longer post right now, but got caught up in updating the blog, so now I don't have time to edit :(  No me gusta!

Still tweaking, but I am feeling very country, patriotic, and rustic...I believe that's obvious!

Hope everyone is enjoying their Thursday.  It's almost TGIF!

As Carson would say, woo woo!

Peace out -

Friday, May 13, 2011

Am I Facebook shallow?

Weird title, I know, but that is kind of how I feel lately. I'm a very complicated, layered person. I think this clip from Donkey describes it best.

Most people who know me socially think I'm a very outgoing, happy-go-lucky type of person and a lot of the time, I am. But, over the last 5 or 6 years, I've gone through some things that have not hardened me, but have made me more cautious. I'm not as likely to just bound into a party full throttle and become the center of attention. I need to feel comfortable around everyone before I start shedding those layers, to the real Ashley.

So...back to the title...the last few times I've posted on Facebook, the posts have been so shallow, stupid inconsequential rant. Example - last post was about a cocktail dress with pockets. Really?!?! Do all of my Facebook friends need to know that? And maybe that's the point of Facebook? I don't know?

I don't want to put stuff out there for everyone to see, those that I don't let see all the layers. There's really no need for that. I actually hate when people do that...put these open-ended, passive aggressive posts out there just to get a reaction or sympathy from people. That's not my style...that's so Ashley 10 years ago. I can remember putting stuff like that on my AIM away message. Yes, I am that old. I would put up some passive aggressive away message to elicit some sort of "poor Ashley" response. In my mind...super childish. That's what I don't want Facebook to be to me. Hence, this post.

But then...sneaky passive aggressive Ashley tries to sneak in, posting things to get attention, or more importantly some one's attention. Do I really think that some one's view of me will change or be enhanced by what I post on Facebook? Doubtful.

Like I said before...I'm layered. I don't think Facebook is a place for me to peel those layers back, but this blog might just be. I'm pretty sure the only person that reads this is my friend Candace, and she definitely knows the layered Ashley! So, this should be a safe place for me to put my thoughts out there and not feel censored or shy or scared. This is me. If you don't like it, stop reading. If you want to know more, just ask!

That's all my fried brain can come up with this boring Friday afternoon. I'm going to try and post more soon. More as a cathartic outlet than for riveting reading, but nonetheless, I'm going to try and be more consistent. Lots of things going on, which I have a ton to say about and maybe some changes, too. We'll see.

I'll leave you with one more clip. It might be one of my favorite lines from an animated movie. It reminds me of my basset hound, Bailey. I like that boulder.

Monday, April 11, 2011

So...here's the thing...

Over the past 4 1/2 years, I have been making my way in Corporate America. When I moved over to the "dark side," I was overly ambitious and confident about what my place should be within the company. I was a young professional with the desire and drive to make it to the top, wherever that might be. I started looking at MBA programs all around, and decided on the local satellite campus for the USC MBA program. Luckily, this is one time my laziness and procrastinating tendencies came in handy. I kept pushing the application back, which would make me miss deadlines, so I would be starting later and later on my masters. I believe now that my gut/conscience, whatever you want to call it, was letting me know that getting my MBA was not the path I should be going down.

After about 3 years of steadily praying, seeking guidance, and wracking my brain for what is ahead for me in my career, I finally feel like there is a clear understanding. Over the last 6 months, I had this little whisper in my head about moving away to the lower part of the state. My church has a ministry program/cooperation with community leaders in Allendale and I have felt a tugging on my heart to at least look in to ways that I could be of help in that area. I have a very tender heart...ask anyone that knows me. I can't tell the story about my dad being a year behind my mom in school because he had no shoes, without tears flooding my eyes. Though my heart might be tender...over the last 6 years of my life, I have had to deal with some difficult things...difficult enough to not want to share it with the entire world wide web! Not that I am ashamed of those things, not at all. Those situations made me stronger, more grounded in my faith and the belief that God has a hand in the plan for my life.

I know this is all vague and cryptic at times, but I'm pretty sure no one reads this, any way! But I just wanted to put it out there. There's a chance for a big change in my near future. I don't know the outcome, but at least now I know the path to take...just not sure where it leads.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Quick update

My friend Candace says that I do not update this blog enough :) So here's a quick update on the whole foods/all natural eating plan.

  • Chicken that is not prepared by me turns my stomach.

  • boiled chicken is the most delicious thing in the world when using antibiotic free/hormone free/nastiness free chicken!

  • I'm currently OBSESSED with eating sushi and fish! I had the new Poinsettia Roll last night @ Tsunami and it was the most delectable thing ever!

  • Though processed foods makes me nauseous...when I'm not craving sushi, I'm craving nachos with cheese...and not fancy nachos like the ones served here but plastic infused cheese nachos from the likes of Taco Hell and Target!

Needles to say...I'm not 100% staying on track with the all natural, good for you food...sometimes plastic cheese is just the way to go.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

A new approach...

So I have this AMAZING friend over @ Singing a Different Tune whom I love dearly! We share the crazy stories that are our lives over Starbucks coffee and the occasional amazing meal out. Last week we had a belated birthday dinner for Candace @ Purple Bistro in the West End. She shared with me some information about eating totally natural. We both had the same reaction to food after watching the disturbing documentary Food, Inc. Candace is better than I am because she started doing a lot of research and was kind enough to share that knowledge with me :)

A new approach...hence the title of this entry. I have always felt the need/urge to eat only natural, locally grown food if possible. I think that might stem from my upbringing in the country and having most of our vegetables come from our gardens or one of our neighbors. So, instead of trying to eat 100 Calorie Packs and Slim-fast shakes to be FAT NO MORE, I'm going back to my roots baby...the roots of the earth! Luckily spring is coming and the Farmer's Markets will soon be a buzz with glorious fruits and vegetables from the earth and dirt instead of a lab somewhere in Guatemala!

Okay...I have exited my soapbox now...back to the doldrums of the corporate world :)

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Here We go again...

Okay...so maybe I need to change the name of this blog...Fat No More Campaign is still in the beginning stages...after 2 years!! I am definitely still working on it. I'm trying to do a little at a time, this go 'round, so that I'm not setting myself up for failure. Also, I plan on doing every song on Just Dance 2 for the Wii until I have gotten 100% and all the gold star moves for each one! Surely that will result in some weight loss?!?! Here's hoping!

Though the FNM Blog/Campaign is not in full swing, I am going to use this blog to poor our some of my random thoughts. Because I have a lot of them, and sometimes Twitter just doesn't have enough space and Facebook has too many people reading my comments...especially those of the work nature,so I will share them here.

My ever-constant current frustration is my job. I almost feel like a broken record when it comes to this situation. Ive been working in the corporate world for just over 4 years, and I ABSOLUTELY can't stand it! I'm a total right brain, creative, random thinker. The mundane, assembly line-esque routine of this job drains me considerably. I thrive on ideas, planning, brain-storming, ever-changing routine, having a to-do list that gets left behind b/c something bigger and more important has come along. I salivate for days like that. However, here I sit, 4 years later, butt much flatter, my sciatic nerve much more irritated. I miss helping people...right now all I am really helping is the Food Industry, as shown in Food Inc. Watch it, it's entirely upsetting, and I help those companies do what they do.

I have tried finding other jobs within the company, with no such luck, and also tried going back to my roots in Higher Ed. Apparently, I'm too nice to be promoted in my current company *long story for another day* and I need my Master's to move up in the Higher Ed world. I would even take a pay cut! I'm willing to make less money to be happier, people!!! come on, help a girl out!

When I started at my current job, I was shell-chocked at how much I was going to be making, like jaw-dropping on the floor, bought a nicer camera *I was in Best Buy when I was offered the job* type of way. I was 24 yrs old and thought that I had finally arrived! I received a 41% pay increase. That's almost double what I was making before! I thought, "That's insane! I'm going to be living it up in G-vegas!" And for a while, I did. I loved having the extra money, but looking back, I can see how much of it I squandered. See...I'm an emotional spender and instead of saving all of that amazing new salary, I was spending it on crap to try and fill that void. I know now, too, that God is the only thing that can fill that void. Not a job/career, man, car, shoes, etc. So, 4 years later, I am definitely closer in my relationship with God, and not emotionally spending, which is great. But I still feel stuck in here, in some freaky real-life Office Space!

What doing about it - a LOT of praying and soul-searching. This is the first time in m life where I don't' see a clear path a head. I have some ideas of what I want to do or what may lie ahead, but I don't feel like God is saying, "That's the one!" And, maybe He's not supposed to, I'm struggling with that, too. So, here I sit, still not sure, but at least it's another day closer to being fully vested. Trying to look on the bright side :)

So...that's all I have to rant about today. I'll to get my thoughts a little more organized next time. And hopefully, in a better mood!