Ramblings of a 30 something, navigating her way through this crazy world.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Becoming Myself

Full disclosure...this is my second attempt at Weight Watchers.  Last August, we started a Weight Watchers @ Work group, and it could not have come at a better time. You see, I have always been overweight, my entire life, and it is something that I have always struggled to control.  I had my gallbladder out in college, and ended up losing around 100 lbs over the course of a year.  It was pure ecstasy, but I didn't manage the results properly. I lived off of boiled eggs and about 14 Diet Cokes a day.  Needless to say, when I started eating "real" food again, my body flipped out, and along with a stint of rheumatic fever that left me almost immobile, the weight came back with a vengeance.

I digress..I do that a lot.  Like I said, I'm verbose :)

Back on track...

I was so excited to start WW at work, but then received a pretty disturbing text from a friend. Someone from church had approached her about having an intervention with me over my weight. In hindsight, I know that it came from a place of love, but the way it was handled had me immediately on the defensive, and employing my defense mechanism of not eating.  I call it fat girl anorexia.  I know that it is insensitive, but it's the best way to describe how I react. When I feel like life is spiraling out of control, or if I am stressed out, I just don't eat.  The stress of deciding what to eat is too much, so I just decide not to eat.  But I wouldn't allow my defense mechanism to kick in this time.

I went forward with WW and ended up losing 18 lbs.  We ended up having to disband, because we didn't have enough people to start a second session. I tried just doing the online for a while, but those old habits started creeping in, and with a looming health issue, I stopped eating.  Then I would only eat tortilla chips with melted cheese on top.  Super nutritious, right?!

After a few months of back and forth with my sister, we decided to go at this weight thing together, and chose WW.  I really think it will be helpful for the both of us, even though we have different issues with food.  The flexibility/personalized approach of WW will allow us both to be successful, even though our approaches might look different.

I had a small moment yesterday where I had the same knee jerk reaction to sabotaging myself. I had a friend email a link to a book/self study that she had just finished.  As I was reading the synopsis, I felt a little bit attacked, because the main premise is about weight loss, or at least at first glance.  But I checked myself and my reaction, and decided to give it a try.  The book is;

Becoming Myself: Embracing God's Dream of You

I started reading the first chapter last night, and this book could not have come at a better time.  
I encourage you to read it, or at least try the sample on Kindle or Nook

I'll give an update on my progress as I read, then I'm going to start on the Study Guide once I finish. 

Happy Hump Day Everyone!

Until next time...


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