Worship vs Performance

So, confession, I started writing this blog post over a month ago, but got distracted and obviously never did, but it is something that has weighed on my mind a lot lately, so I thought I would blab on about on this blog that no one reads :)


I spent most of my life performing. My mother says that my personality was very apparent at an early age, saying that anytime we were out, even while I was still in a stroller, I wanted my presence to be known, I wanted everyone to know that I was there. That personality lent itself well to the talent of singing that I seemed to be gifted with from a very early age. Not only singing, but performing. My parents purchased a video camera when I was about 6 or 7 years old and every single time the camera was on, I found a way to be directly in front of it. One of the funniest examples of this is when my sister and her friend, Shelly, also a performer, were singing to Janet Jackson’s Escapade. You can see me clearly stick my head out of my bedroom door down the hallway, see the red ‘record’ light lit on the camcorder and race down the hallway, sliding in front of the camera to be the star of the show. That story repeats itself one way or another throughout most of my life. Performing has always been second nature to me, like a 6th sense that I just sank into whenever I needed to, on stage or not.

But over the last 6 years, I have done very little “performing,” in the strictest since. I probably sing now more than I ever did before, but it’s a different use of my gifts. Since joining Grace Church 6 years ago when I moved back to Greenville for a new job, I have been on the worship team. I have been a member of the worship team for 5 years now, but let me tell you, I still am terrified every time I sing.  It's a completely different feeling.  You're standing up there, in front of a microphone, on a stage, in front of hundreds of people, sounds a lot like a performance, right?  Wrong.  When I'm on stage for worship, my job is to help lead the congregation in song and praise.  It's not about my hitting the money note, or flashing a smile at just the right time. It's not about me at all.  I am just a vessel, blessed to be able to use the talents and gifts He has given me. It is one of the most bizarre feelings I have ever experienced, and it's not something I think I could really describe, but knowing that there is another force coming off of me, like a "Holy spirit filter" in front of my mouth, filtering the sound and projecting it across the congregation.  When I used to perform all the time, I would gauge how I sounded by the looks on people's faces or the amount of applause I got during the song, or a standing ovation at the end. I almost expected it and if that didn't happen, I would wonder what I could have done differently.  Now, when I sing in worship, I don't think about any of those things.  My view is beautiful, as I watch my church, worship corporately. I am truly blessed.

Enough babbling for now...I could go on for paragraphs, but I shall refrain...at least for now :)
To any of my former LJ Singers - "You might not recognize me without my tulip applique dress and my cordless microphone, but I a Lake Junaluska Singer."

Until then --
Whassy