Becoming Myself

Full disclosure...this is my second attempt at Weight Watchers.  Last August, we started a Weight Watchers @ Work group, and it could not have come at a better time. You see, I have always been overweight, my entire life, and it is something that I have always struggled to control.  I had my gallbladder out in college, and ended up losing around 100 lbs over the course of a year.  It was pure ecstasy, but I didn't manage the results properly. I lived off of boiled eggs and about 14 Diet Cokes a day.  Needless to say, when I started eating "real" food again, my body flipped out, and along with a stint of rheumatic fever that left me almost immobile, the weight came back with a vengeance.

I digress..I do that a lot.  Like I said, I'm verbose :)

Back on track...

I was so excited to start WW at work, but then received a pretty disturbing text from a friend. Someone from church had approached her about having an intervention with me over my weight. In hindsight, I know that it came from a place of love, but the way it was handled had me immediately on the defensive, and employing my defense mechanism of not eating.  I call it fat girl anorexia.  I know that it is insensitive, but it's the best way to describe how I react. When I feel like life is spiraling out of control, or if I am stressed out, I just don't eat.  The stress of deciding what to eat is too much, so I just decide not to eat.  But I wouldn't allow my defense mechanism to kick in this time.

I went forward with WW and ended up losing 18 lbs.  We ended up having to disband, because we didn't have enough people to start a second session. I tried just doing the online for a while, but those old habits started creeping in, and with a looming health issue, I stopped eating.  Then I would only eat tortilla chips with melted cheese on top.  Super nutritious, right?!

After a few months of back and forth with my sister, we decided to go at this weight thing together, and chose WW.  I really think it will be helpful for the both of us, even though we have different issues with food.  The flexibility/personalized approach of WW will allow us both to be successful, even though our approaches might look different.

I had a small moment yesterday where I had the same knee jerk reaction to sabotaging myself. I had a friend email a link to a book/self study that she had just finished.  As I was reading the synopsis, I felt a little bit attacked, because the main premise is about weight loss, or at least at first glance.  But I checked myself and my reaction, and decided to give it a try.  The book is;

Becoming Myself: Embracing God's Dream of You

I started reading the first chapter last night, and this book could not have come at a better time.  

I encourage you to read it, or at least try the sample on Kindle or Nook. 

I'll give an update on my progress as I read, then I'm going to start on the Study Guide once I finish. 

Happy Hump Day Everyone!

Until next time...

Whassy 

Two Days In...

Two days in...and life has already tried to throw me off track.  Funny how life is like that, right?

Work is extremely stressful right now and I normally handle stress ok, but lately it has been taking me over.  Like I'm a character in a Warner Brothers Cartoon, waiting for someone to drop an Acme Anvil on me.  This just looming threat of foreboding. My apologies...I'm verbose and I appreciate SAT words.

So yesterday was a Monday...obviously, and I was prepared.  All of my food was prepped for the day, and I had a plan.  I stayed on track right up until the afternoon.  I left work after an upsetting meeting, headed to the doctor.  The office worked me in during the late afternoon, so I ended up waiting a while to go back to the doctor.  To help kill time, I pulled my phone out and started looking at emails from work. That was a bad idea.  Like I said above, my anxiety level is at an all time high, and by the time I went back to consult with the doctor, I was in a full blown panic attack.  My blood pressure was 158/100.  Luckily, the nurse knew what to expect and helped calm me down and my doctor did a great job of helping formulate a plan to deal with the anxiety. Oh, and give me antibiotics for an ear infection.

It had been such a difficult afternoon, the last thing I wanted to do was go home and "cook," even though all I really had to do was assemble the food. It was already cooked, and ready to go.  So...I went to the local Mexican restaurant and went all out.  Luckily, I still had 30 points left for the day, but it still wasn't the best way to react.

But I rallied and prepped for the next day and morning, despite coming off of the panic attack and a double ear infection. 

Moral of the story...life happens, but it doesn't have to derail you.  

Until next time...

Whassy

Hello Again, Blog World.

Blog World...are you still out there? It's me, Whassy. I am back from hiatus...again.  My last post was in December of 2013, promising an amazing 2014.  Though I might not classify it as amazing, it was definitely filled with a lot of changes. 

My parents' divorce was finalized. 
I bought a house. 
One month later...my company announced it is moving to Charlotte. 
I freaked out. 
I got on board with the move. 
I freaked out. 
I decided not to move. 
I started to mend my relationship with my mom.
I stopped singing on the worship team at church.
I switched campuses at aforementioned church. 
It turned out to be an amazing decision. 
I started Weight Watchers. 

2014...there were definitely moments that were amazing, and there were moments that we absolutely terrifying.  In retrospect, I am thankful for the trials of 2014.  They have brought me to where I am today, and so far, 2015 is definitely a year of change and growth.

Tomorrow, my sister and I are going to start Weight Watchers together.  I am going to use this blog to chronicle that journey for the both of us. Holly is going to track her progress on Instagram, and I'll take on the roll of verbose sister, and chronicle the journey in words, and of course, a few pictures as well.  What good is a weight loss journey without some pictures?!

This picture is a favorite of mine, regardless of the fact that I am the largest in the picture.  This is from my 10 year college reunion, with my two best friends, Kate and Quinn.  Kate is 8 months pregnant in the picture and Quinn had just had her 3rd child 2 months earlier.  I, however, am not pregnant, nor have I ever been, and I'm still the largest in the picture...no me gusta. 

This picture is from my senior year of college.  I am wearing a size 14 long and lean jeans from The Gap.  I was neither long, nor lean, but I was definitely small, at least for me. This is my goal.  I am not meant to be a size 6.  I want to be healthy.  This is our goal. 

Stay tuned blog world for more updates on the Twisted Sisters' journey to a healthy life style. 
Once the sister gives the okay...I'll add some photos of her, too. 

Until next time...

Whassy

Christmas Blessings

So, this has been a rough year...hence the blog silence. I've wanted to escape here to let it all out, but, due to the situation, that would have been in pour taste. Hopefully, as this year comes to an end, I can take to the blog about this past year, in a healthier, more cathartic way.

Descending from soapbox...

Due to the aforementioned crap-tastic year, I was sullen and not looking forward to this holiday season.  I loathe change, and Thanksgiving/Christmas was going to look like nothing I've ever experienced before. Being the bratty youngest child that I am, I was most upset about no gifts from my parents this year. I know, that is completely shallow, and I am fully aware.  I spent most of the last 2 months complaining about that fact, and my gracious friends and awesome sister listened without slapping me across the face.  That is a true Christmas Miracle.

Among my ranting, the two items I most wanted for Christmas this year, other than a time machine, were a Michael Kors watch and a Le Creuset tea kettle.  My amazing friend Liz, and my incredible sister Holly somehow knew this and together, made it happen.  I burst into tears both times I opened the gifts, overwhelmed by their generosity, especially in light of my extreme selfishness. I began feeling guilty about my ranting, especially because presents are definitely not the reason for the season.

All that to say, I am grateful for the community and mish mosh family I have surrounding me in the craziness that has been this year.  I do not know how I could have survived the last 8 months without them. Family is not always the cookie cutter examples we see in our pop culture, but something that is organically made throughout years of doing life together.  I am grateful for my real family and our crazy mish mosh one, too.

Looking forward to a much better 2014, because seriously...it cannot go anywhere but up from here.

Until next time...


Whassy

Coming Soon!

So, my sister and I have had quite the upbringing and with time, it only seems to get more interesting. We've talked for years about putting our stories down on paper, and we've finally decided to start working on them.

We've created a blog to share these outrageous, but oh so true, stories of life.  Be sure to add the new blog to your reading list.  All 2 of you that read it :)

Tales of Two Twisted Sisters

No entries on there for now, but rest assured, we are working on them.

Enjoy the ride!

Until then -
Whassy

Google Reader going bye bye

Shout out to Blog Lovin' for having the absolute easiest way to move my Google Reader list that I have found yet!  Literally, it only took one click of a button!  Go check them out and get your Reader list transfered before July 1.

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

more later, but until then -

Love -

Whassy

Coleslaw - the new way to dye easter eggs!

Hello blog world! It's been a while! I have so many things to update on but I only have a few minutes to blog before I head to a work happy hour thing. And the title, it will make sense in a second.

For your laughing/reading pleasure, some random thoughts from my crazy head:

• My work computer makes crazy sounds sometimes, and it kind of sounds like a Transformer, in particular, this transformer. Yes, I know it's weird that I know their different sounds, but I do. If you know me and you're reading this, it should be no surprise.  If you don't know me and you're reading this...I'm weird, and I love all things nerdy.
• I was approached about applying for another job.  I'm still on the fence about even looking into it, because yesterday I realized that I actually enjoy my job.  I'm great at it, and the people are great.  I just get frustrated sometimes, and I know that would be the case any where.
• Lately, I've been honing in on my own style.  For a plus size girl, it's hard to find stuff that isn't either slutty or old lady.  However, I had a thought yesterday that it might be coming off less "cool" and a little more "Feed the Birds" lady.  Strangely enough, I'm ok with that.  I'm dressing how I want to, so take that world!
• Funny story from my mom's birthday dinner last night.  We had some good ole Henry's BBQ.  My sister made the cake and baked beans, and I volunteered for the coleslaw.  I usually like mine a little more on the vinegar side, but I've been battling cold/allergy issues for months,and it's been particularly bad this week.  With that, my taste buds are a little off...therefore, I added a wee bit too much vinegar to my coleslaw.  I thought it tasted great, but alas, the rest of the fam did not.  So much so that my sister mocked me by saying you could dye Easter Eggs in it...sad but true.

Enjoy the antics.  I'll be back more regularly soon enough.

Until then ---

Whassy

Design Gal's Holiday Swap

Hello blog world!  I hope that everyone had a blessed and peaceful Thanksgiving!  I definitely did, that is until my sister and I braved the treacherous Black Friday.  It's our yearly tradition and I always forget why we torture ourselves, until we are out and about.  We have a great time together, so I will take the day to recover each year to keep this tradition going.

Now that we are officially past Thanksgiving and respecting the turkey, I have my Christmas music blaring and am almost done decking the halls at The Abbey.  I am also participating in Design Gal's Holiday Swap. I'm super pumped about getting more involved in the Land of Blog and getting to spread Christmas cheer around and outside of my usual circle. I'll keep the gift contents under wraps for a bit, just in case my swap partner is stopping by the blog to see who in the world Whassy is :)

Definitely swing over to Design Gal and check out her blog.  Great read!

Until then blog world -

Whassy

Pinterest is the Devil

I'm pretty convinced that Pinterest is the devil.  Don't get me wrong...I could spend HOURS on it, and believe me, I have spent hours at a time on Pinterest.  But why?  All it does is frustrate me because I don't have enough time to do the crafts/recipes/DIY/decorating that I have pinned or worse, I see a MAJOR Doctor Who spoiler because my favorite pin board to frequent is the Geek board.   And yes, I'm quite aware that the hours spent on Pinterest could be used to actually DO the things I have pinned.  Touche, my friend. Touche.

All of this frustration is coming to a head because I can't make the baby shower I'm throwing on Saturday actually Pinterest worthy.  I see all of these great ideas about themes, and party favors, and a great new way to use burlap(will they ever run out?) and I don't see that there is any way that my house will be worthy on Saturday.  I say all of this and hope to report back that it came off without a hitch and that everyone raved about how great everything looks.  But, what it really boils down to is that one of my best friends is having her first child and we are coming together to celebrate Baby B coming into this world.  I could not be happier, regardless of whether or not it inspires a Pinterest/Baby shower revolution.

Forgive my rant...just needed a second to vent and remember to focus on the simpler, yet more important things in life than pinterest.  I'm off to waste some more time :)

until then -
Whassy

I Mustache you a question.

When did mustaches become the "it" thing?  I don't know and don't really care why, as you can see, I might like them a little :)

I'm entirely too bored at work sometimes, especially on Friday afternoons.  It's either feast or famine around here, and today I decided to update my blog layout with my free time.  Please enjoy my love of mustaches on the blog. 

And it's not just the blog where I show my mustache love.  On my Pinterest Dear Santa Board, several mustache items show up on my Christmas list.  Please feel free to send them to me :)  Or the 2 of you that read this, I will gladly accept either for Christmas.

Tervis Tumbler Mustache Water Bottle




Nook Simple Touch Skin via Etsy Shop stickitskins



Have a great weekend, blog world!

Until then -

Whassy

Can you believe it?!

2 Posts in one day!
I know...hard to believe after a long hiatus, I have 2 posts in one day.  But, don't get your hopes up, this is just a small one.

Earlier this week, I won my very first blog giveaway!  What an exciting way to wake up on Tuesday morning, with an email from Sabrina, a FABULOUS photographer that goes to church with me downtown, letting me know that I had won! It's her birthday week and she decided to giveaway something from a company every day this week, and spotlight companies that give back. Monday's company was fashionABLE , an amazing company that I heard about a few weeks ago.  For the 3 of you that read this, go check it out and buy a scarf! If not, definitely read their story...very impressive. 

I cannot wait to receive my scarf!  I chose the ecru charcoal and will have to budget some more of these into my wardrobe.

Happy Friday - enjoy it :)

until -

Whassy

Worship vs Performance

So, confession, I started writing this blog post over a month ago, but got distracted and obviously never did, but it is something that has weighed on my mind a lot lately, so I thought I would blab on about on this blog that no one reads :)


I spent most of my life performing. My mother says that my personality was very apparent at an early age, saying that anytime we were out, even while I was still in a stroller, I wanted my presence to be known, I wanted everyone to know that I was there. That personality lent itself well to the talent of singing that I seemed to be gifted with from a very early age. Not only singing, but performing. My parents purchased a video camera when I was about 6 or 7 years old and every single time the camera was on, I found a way to be directly in front of it. One of the funniest examples of this is when my sister and her friend, Shelly, also a performer, were singing to Janet Jackson’s Escapade. You can see me clearly stick my head out of my bedroom door down the hallway, see the red ‘record’ light lit on the camcorder and race down the hallway, sliding in front of the camera to be the star of the show. That story repeats itself one way or another throughout most of my life. Performing has always been second nature to me, like a 6th sense that I just sank into whenever I needed to, on stage or not.

But over the last 6 years, I have done very little “performing,” in the strictest since. I probably sing now more than I ever did before, but it’s a different use of my gifts. Since joining Grace Church 6 years ago when I moved back to Greenville for a new job, I have been on the worship team. I have been a member of the worship team for 5 years now, but let me tell you, I still am terrified every time I sing.  It's a completely different feeling.  You're standing up there, in front of a microphone, on a stage, in front of hundreds of people, sounds a lot like a performance, right?  Wrong.  When I'm on stage for worship, my job is to help lead the congregation in song and praise.  It's not about my hitting the money note, or flashing a smile at just the right time. It's not about me at all.  I am just a vessel, blessed to be able to use the talents and gifts He has given me. It is one of the most bizarre feelings I have ever experienced, and it's not something I think I could really describe, but knowing that there is another force coming off of me, like a "Holy spirit filter" in front of my mouth, filtering the sound and projecting it across the congregation.  When I used to perform all the time, I would gauge how I sounded by the looks on people's faces or the amount of applause I got during the song, or a standing ovation at the end. I almost expected it and if that didn't happen, I would wonder what I could have done differently.  Now, when I sing in worship, I don't think about any of those things.  My view is beautiful, as I watch my church, worship corporately. I am truly blessed.

Enough babbling for now...I could go on for paragraphs, but I shall refrain...at least for now :)
To any of my former LJ Singers - "You might not recognize me without my tulip applique dress and my cordless microphone, but I a Lake Junaluska Singer."

Until then --
Whassy

Are you there blog world?! It's me, Whassy!

Hey there blog world.  I know it's been months and months, but I'm still here. I promise.  Life has just been busy.  So many things have changed, and I need to update the blog with all that as changed, most notably the big move to The Abbey.  It sounds fancy, but I'll explain in more detail later.  Hopefully even give a little house tour.  Just know that all is well, I am good, and I am still Whassy.

Until next time...a photo from the big of event of July...the Peden Reunion.

Whas

Should I stay or Should I go?

That seems to always be the question...should I stay or should I go?  I ask that question all the time, regarding my job, my apartment, Greenville...South Carolina....it's always a gigantic billboard in the hamster wheel that is my brain.  Don't get me wrong...I LOVE the south, especially South Carolina, and even more special in my heart is the place I've called home my entire life...Greenville.  I've watched this city grow up, along with me, and I love walking downtown, or seeing the Blue Ride mtns on my drive to work.  It's a beautiful and majestic place.  However, there are some other cites that I have always loved, and most of those cities are in the great state of Tennessee.

When I was in the 4th grade, my entire family went to Nashville for our family vacation.  I can remember feeling like I was home, for lack of a better word, as soon as I stepped out of the car.  We went on a dinner cruise on the General Jackson and as soon as they started playing Rocky Top, I rushed to the stage and danced like a crazy woman.  Luckily, I was only 9, so I got a way with acting slightly insane and it coming across as cute. Over the years, I have travelled to many cities in the Volunteer state and have loved most of them.  I spent a lot of time in Chattanooga, working with the Glenn Draper Singers/Junaluska Singers, and recruiting students there while I was working at Converse. I loved wandering around downtown and walking over to Coolidge Park. It's a very artsy/fartsy city, nestled in the gorgeous valley of the mountains. There's also a period of my life where I spent almost all of my weekends in Knoxville, while dating a real live UT boy, who we lovingly refer to now as He Who Must not be named.  Even during that, I loved going down to the Old City and loved the summer I interned at Knox Opera.

Even after all of that, Nashville is still my favorite city in Tennessee, and probably my next favorite city after Greenville. It's one of the first cities I learned to navigate, sans map and Garmin.  The Whas-Whas prevails over the streets of Nashville! (my niece and nephew refer to me as Whassy, therefore Whas-Whas when I am rockin' my amazing sense of direction.)
I loved spending my falls wandering through the streets of Franklin and my annual visits to Battle Ground Academy, where I recruited my first student.  There's something so unbelievably vibrant about the city, but something that is so quintessentially southern.  What an amazing combination! 

I rant on and on about this because I can't help but think....sometimes I want to just pack it all up and move there.  Really with no plan at all...of course the city is pulsing with the greatest music, and how much I would love to be a part of that.  How, I feel most like myself when I'm singing and surrounding myself with music...but I don't know if that's where I should be.  Am I chasing after dreams that I should have lived 10 years ago, am I finally reaching out to the place where I need to be and where God wants me to be or am I just living with my head in the clouds....I'm not sure which one it is, but I'm definitely thinking about it. 

So...until then blogesphere...I remain in G-Vegas...enjoying this gloomy day at home, in my PJ's, catching up on the new fall shows on my DVR, while enjoying a mandatory work from home day. 

Until then --
Whassy

Reoccurring dream...

First, a point of disclosure.  I have crazy dreams.  I always have, for as long as I can remember.  My most favorite dream is a classic depiction of my personality and take on life.  I was at camp, where I spent most of my summers in high school, and a good friend was looking everywhere for me and couldn't find me.  When he finally did, he handed me a gorgeous silver necklace, which was all the rage, circa 1998.  As soon as he gave it to me, I frantically searched the camp for a frying pan.  So frantic, that I could actually feel the panic I was going through in my sleep.  FINALLY, I found that elusive frying pan and immediately placed my brand new silver necklace into it.  After a few seconds, the beautiful necklace had melted, not into silver, however, but into cheese.  I'm not talking creamy goat cheese or a lovely brie, I'm talking government cheese here people.  The one with an odd orange tint to it, you know?  Well this dream had me in a tizzy the next morning, so I sought out the advice of my sage mentor at the time, and she unveiled a seemingly perfect explanation of the dream.   I take the good things in life, and turn them into cheese. Well, maybe not cheese exactly , but definitely something lesser than the good that the thing/situation/opportunity really is.

All that to say...I have crazy dreams, as evidenced above, but never have I had a reoccurring dream for as long as I can remember.  The strange thing about this "reoccurring" dream, is that the situation is not what is reoccurring, but the starring character.  I have had over a handful of dreams about this guy I grew up with.  I believe I have literally known him my entire life.  His family is good friends with my family, and when you grown up in such a small town, you pretty much knew everyone around. I have stayed connected with this person, but not as much as I would have hoped over the years.  The even more disturbing thing...most of the dreams involve marriage or a relationship of some kind.   The first being a reality competition, that he never knew about, but showed up at the altar. Even stranger still...I remember the feeling of when he took me in his arms and knowing without a shadow of a doubt, he was the one I was supposed to be with.  Another one, where during the rehearsal, I had no idea who the groom was, and he didn't reveal himself until I met him at the altar. 

The one last night might be the most bizarre yet.  No marriage this time, but a trip with my small group from church.  That group of people is like my extended family, so that is a major step, even in my dream world.  Bu this time, we weren't together, just there as friends. 

Now, I am by no means claiming to be prophetic in my dreams, not at all. I don't even own a technicolor dream coat.  I'm just confused.  What does this all mean?!  Am I just being tormented in my sleep by my subconscious psyche, does this represent some grander/metaphoric meaning, or am I simply just very entertaining when I sleep?  Like a good movie marathon on TBS?  Who knows?!  I surely do not.  Nevertheless...this makes for great cocktail party conversation...now if I could just find a few more to attend...

Later folks...hope to post some poignant blogs later on today.

Until then ---
Whassy

What a day...

So, today is not my favorite day.  We have 3 people here out of a team of 6.  This definitely has the makings for a not fun day and I've already cried thrice!  I hate being a girl.  BTW...I'm pretty sure my job is slowly eating away at my soul...but I'm heavy duty praying about what God wants me to do.  Do I suck it up and keep going, or make some gigantic leap of faith and do something totally off the wall, but entirely all that I want to do?  I still don't know, but I'm not discouraged, just confused and praying that I make the right decision.

Back to reality that is this day now.

Whas

It's time for a change

It's official - Changing my blog URL to Life as Whassy. I feel like that name really portrays more of what this blog is about.  That's all for now.  Be back soon with more posts.  I have lots of ideas running around in my head!

Whassy

I so went there

I did a little updating on the blog.  I am working on a longer post right now, but got caught up in updating the blog, so now I don't have time to edit :(  No me gusta!

Still tweaking, but I am feeling very country, patriotic, and rustic...I believe that's obvious!

Hope everyone is enjoying their Thursday.  It's almost TGIF!

As Carson would say, woo woo!

Peace out -
Whassy

Am I Facebook shallow?

Weird title, I know, but that is kind of how I feel lately. I'm a very complicated, layered person. I think this clip from Donkey describes it best.

Most people who know me socially think I'm a very outgoing, happy-go-lucky type of person and a lot of the time, I am. But, over the last 5 or 6 years, I've gone through some things that have not hardened me, but have made me more cautious. I'm not as likely to just bound into a party full throttle and become the center of attention. I need to feel comfortable around everyone before I start shedding those layers, to the real Ashley.

So...back to the title...the last few times I've posted on Facebook, the posts have been so shallow, stupid inconsequential rant. Example - last post was about a cocktail dress with pockets. Really?!?! Do all of my Facebook friends need to know that? And maybe that's the point of Facebook? I don't know?

I don't want to put stuff out there for everyone to see, those that I don't let see all the layers. There's really no need for that. I actually hate when people do that...put these open-ended, passive aggressive posts out there just to get a reaction or sympathy from people. That's not my style...that's so Ashley 10 years ago. I can remember putting stuff like that on my AIM away message. Yes, I am that old. I would put up some passive aggressive away message to elicit some sort of "poor Ashley" response. In my mind...super childish. That's what I don't want Facebook to be to me. Hence, this post.

But then...sneaky passive aggressive Ashley tries to sneak in, posting things to get attention, or more importantly some one's attention. Do I really think that some one's view of me will change or be enhanced by what I post on Facebook? Doubtful.

Like I said before...I'm layered. I don't think Facebook is a place for me to peel those layers back, but this blog might just be. I'm pretty sure the only person that reads this is my friend Candace, and she definitely knows the layered Ashley! So, this should be a safe place for me to put my thoughts out there and not feel censored or shy or scared. This is me. If you don't like it, stop reading. If you want to know more, just ask!

That's all my fried brain can come up with this boring Friday afternoon. I'm going to try and post more soon. More as a cathartic outlet than for riveting reading, but nonetheless, I'm going to try and be more consistent. Lots of things going on, which I have a ton to say about and maybe some changes, too. We'll see.

I'll leave you with one more clip. It might be one of my favorite lines from an animated movie. It reminds me of my basset hound, Bailey. I like that boulder.

So...here's the thing...

Over the past 4 1/2 years, I have been making my way in Corporate America. When I moved over to the "dark side," I was overly ambitious and confident about what my place should be within the company. I was a young professional with the desire and drive to make it to the top, wherever that might be. I started looking at MBA programs all around, and decided on the local satellite campus for the USC MBA program. Luckily, this is one time my laziness and procrastinating tendencies came in handy. I kept pushing the application back, which would make me miss deadlines, so I would be starting later and later on my masters. I believe now that my gut/conscience, whatever you want to call it, was letting me know that getting my MBA was not the path I should be going down.

After about 3 years of steadily praying, seeking guidance, and wracking my brain for what is ahead for me in my career, I finally feel like there is a clear understanding. Over the last 6 months, I had this little whisper in my head about moving away to the lower part of the state. My church has a ministry program/cooperation with community leaders in Allendale and I have felt a tugging on my heart to at least look in to ways that I could be of help in that area. I have a very tender heart...ask anyone that knows me. I can't tell the story about my dad being a year behind my mom in school because he had no shoes, without tears flooding my eyes. Though my heart might be tender...over the last 6 years of my life, I have had to deal with some difficult things...difficult enough to not want to share it with the entire world wide web! Not that I am ashamed of those things, not at all. Those situations made me stronger, more grounded in my faith and the belief that God has a hand in the plan for my life.

I know this is all vague and cryptic at times, but I'm pretty sure no one reads this, any way! But I just wanted to put it out there. There's a chance for a big change in my near future. I don't know the outcome, but at least now I know the path to take...just not sure where it leads.